one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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