Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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