Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
