btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am naked and annoyed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
