i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
