you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's always time for handjobs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
