Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
