I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
