Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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