He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
