i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
