Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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