I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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