imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
