oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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