If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
