I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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