He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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