help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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