i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
