Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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