we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
