Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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