I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Pappa wants mamma naked
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
