It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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