so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
