I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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