love makes seman taste better
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
