Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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