Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
