it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
