Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
