Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
