I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
