I skipped work to stalk him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
