I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
