Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
