I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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