what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
