Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
