What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
