Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
