I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Four minutes until I can fart!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
