they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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