She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the condom got lost in my hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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