The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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