Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
