Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
