do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
