she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
